Well•come, kin. Pause, and take a deep, calming breath with me. In... and out... As you breathe, remind yourself of your innate wisdom and wholeness. With each breath—be here. Fully present, as we embark on this journey together.
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LaShaun
Certified behavior analyst, founding former Director of The University of South Florida’s (USF) Wellness Resource Center, Founder of GLOW Women’s Gathering with credentials in Neuroscience for Business from MIT Sloan.
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Have you ever itched for something you knew would leave you wanting:
That “just one more scroll, snack, snap” kind of want?
I once reorganized an entire closet to avoid sending a hard email.
Once stayed up until 2:14AM researching Icelandic moss instead of crying about what I’d lost.Once smiled and nodded through a yes when my body was screaming no with her whole chest.
Sometimes our urges, craves, + longings are about pleasure, maybe even power. And at other times they’re escapes.
This urge isn’t about the thing: it’s about something beneath it.
(And they will have you searching for a felt sense of aliveness or control in the wrong place).
Most urges (if you don’t scratch them) peak and fade within 20 to 30 minutes. That’s it. You have to ride it through.
This practice has a name: urge surfing.
Even when it’s so bad, to the point where you could almost taste it. And maybe you did…
Opening the fridge for the third time in five minutes, hoping it will magically contain relief.
Or maybe:
Volunteering to help before you’ve helped yourself.
Really, I’ve got a WHOLE list (LOL)
Creating chaos (picking a fight, moving the furniture, starting a new business) when the real fear is sitting still.
Checking your ex’s socials because silence feels unbearable
Refreshing your inbox instead of writing the thing that matters
Spending money you didn’t budget just to feel a flicker of aliveness
Critiquing your body in the mirror because shame feels more familiar than gratitude
Binging a show not because you’re entertained, but because you’re avoiding the ache
Organizing your entire house instead of letting yourself cry
Overworking to dodge intimacy, uncertainty, or grief
Urges are often not truths. They’re old scripts. Neural misfires.
Like a phantom itch, you feel it, intensely.
Phantom itches are a real signal sent by misfiring nerves, your skin feels like it’s itching, but it’s actually not. It can feel urgent, even though they’re not based in present needs. The sensation is real. But it’s not true.
It might be a memory. A reflex. A loop asking to be unlearned.
And if you scratch it, you tear open what was trying to heal.
It might be a memory. A reflex. A loop asking to be unlearned.
Urge surfing is the practice of riding out an intense craving or impulse (an “urge”) like a wave, instead of fighting, avoiding, or giving in to it. Because it will pass.
Urges peak and then they fade.
Hold on for 30 minutes — that's all.
Neuroimaging shows that urges and cravings usually peak within 20–30 minutes and then dissipate. I’m going to share a practice with you for when your nervous system reaches for what no longer heals you.
A SoulCare Tool for Urge-Surfing
Here’s a practice for riding out cravings, compulsions, and old coping patterns (with grace). It’s a 6-step somatic script for when your body begs for relief, and your soul says there’s a gem in the waiting.
STEP 1: Name the Itch
What’s the urge? What are you craving that’s more about escape than nourishment?
- ☐Eat / scroll / drink / lash out / isolate / spend / control
- ☐ Something else: _______________________
| “Right now, I really want to _______.”
Step 2: Breath Cue: Flip from “Fight” to “Feel”
Try this breathdot™ rhythm:
● ● ● ● ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○
↑ ↑ ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓ ↓
Inhale (4-count) Exhale (6-count)
- filled dots = Inhale slowly (through your nose)
○ hollow dots = Exhale longer (through pursed lips)
Repeat twice.
STEP 3: Notice the Signals
Where does it live in your body?
☑ Neck burning?
☑ Chest heavy?
☑ Fingers twitchy?
☑ Jaw clenched?
☑ Somewhere else: _______________________
Put a hand there. Breathe into it.
STEP 4: Deconstruct your Default Thought
Ask: What am I believing in this moment that’s not the whole truth?
- “This feeling will last forever.”
- “I can’t handle this.”
- “If I don’t do it, I’ll explode.”
- “This is just who I am.”
Shift it gently:
“This is temporary. I’ve felt this before and lived.
I’m not broken, I’m just feeling.
This is like a phantom itch: old pain trying to find a new way out.”
STEP 5: Choose a Different Response
What’s one small, sensory-alive thing you could do instead of scratching the itch?
- ☐ Press your feet into cool grass
- ☐ Run cold water over your wrists
- ☐ Touch your chest and say, “Stay with me”
- ☐ Write down one true thing
- ☐ Call someone who reminds you who you are
- ☐ Sip ice water, slowly
- ☐ Move your body
- ☐ Other: _______________________
Tip: You’re not avoiding the urge. This is you surfing it.
STEP 6: Close with Compassion
After the wave passes, don’t skip the exhale
Whisper:
“I just stayed with myself. I taught my body a new way..
Every time I stay present, I reclaim my power.”
Optional: Place both hands on your belly and say thank you.
Optional-er: Cry a little. That’s power leaving the room.
_____
And if you did scratch the itch? Consider it feedback.
Next time, you’ll stay a second longer.
Then a minute.
Then long enough to feel the wave lift you.
If anything you’ve read here has been resonant, nourishing, or of service to you in a meaningful way, please do, share this email series using your special link below. I appreciate your reciprocity.
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In sharing, you contribute to a bigger picture - a world pulsating with well-being and wholeness. I'm grateful for you!
Here are more ways I can support you.
- Feedback, love notes, and other inquiries? Just hit reply
- Want me to give a talk at your event or with your team? Workshops, consulting + speaking inquiries, apply here.
p.s.
Urges come and go.
You? Reader. You’re still here.
You are the space that held it: The wave-breaker. The breath-keeper. The urge-surfer.
You are healing in real time.
113 Cherry St #92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2205
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